Oh my god you guys would be so proud of me!!!! I did it! I drove a bus today!! And I did great! I'm so proud of myself. Just wish I'd stop having such bad anxiety attakcs. And? Ishmael even more u were here so that I could share it with u, love u.

My life is about to change in a few hours. But daddy I'm so scared and I know it's not how you want me to feel but I don't want to do it without you. I keep running away from things in search of comfort. In search of you. I drove all the way upstate today just to try to find the solace I was seeking but all it did was make me miss you more. Why is life so unfair? Why couldn't I get to watch you and mommy grow old together here with me? Why was I left alone? I don't have the faith in myself that everyone else seems to have in me. I second guess myself in everything and constantly looking for approval. You used to be able to calm my fears all the time. I'm at war with myself all the time. Please daddy comfort me tonight and let me feel you and mommy with me tomorrow. I love you yesterday today tomorrow always ....

My anxiety is so bad lately. I have attacks at least 2x a day. It's so hard to handle things without you here. I don't know how it will ever get better. I just hope it's sometime soon. I try to close my eyes and picture how happy you must be up there now. But my broken heart wants so bad to be with you all again. Each day seems to get harder instead of easier. But I know you're watching over me and I only wish you were here so I can tell you face to face about the bus driver position. Everything seems to be falling into place. But no one wanted this more for me than you. I got the notice less than 2 weeks after your funeral. But I just felt I couldn't be happy about it. It hurts dad, it's slowly killing me. I went from having a big family, to literally almost none. I love you so much Daddy...Yesterday, today,tomorrow, always. ..

Hi daddy I miss u so much e dry single day. To say that I dont get mad at u sometimes for leaving would be a lie. Because I feel that it was something that could have been prevented but again this is just speculation because I don't have any answers what so ever. It helps that I have some people to talk to but I still cant talk about what happened without breaking down. I do believe that if it wasn't for David God only knows where I would be. That little boy is my rock. I believe he is my gift because God knew what was in store for me and that I would need someone to give me the strength to lush forward in life. I just wish that u would come to me daddy. Tell me that u know I did everything I could and I abided. By your wishes and that there was nothing elsei could do. I didn't give ul on u. Come to me and tell me that ur okay. I never got to verbally hear u say it and I just want to hear u say u love me just one last time. Ur verylastwordz weremy name. Janine Marie janine Marie please getme the black blanket. I never got to. Got to hear u after that. Sometimes. I feel like a failure because I didn't save u. Just so many unanswered questions please daddy come to me. I love u so much. Love u yesterday. Today tomorrow always....

Put a candle in the window, but I feel I've got to move. Though I'm going, going, I'll be coming home soon, long as I can see the light. Pack my bag and just get moving, cause I'm bound to drift a while. Though I'm going, going, you don't have to worry no, long as I can see the light. Guess I've got that old traveling bone cause the feeling won't leave me alone. But I won't, won't lose my way.. no no long as I can see the light... I know you saw the light, just please let your light continue to shine on me in my darkest hours dad. I really miss you more than you'll ever know. I have so many regrets that I just can't explain. Please... come to me in my dreams and let me feel your angel wings around me. I LOVE YOU YESTERDAY TODAY TOMORROW ALWAYS

not a day goes by that you're not on my mind or in my heart. i love and miss you more than you'll ever know. love you yesterday today tomorrow always...

I am I and you are you, whatever we were to each other that we still are. Speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? Life means all that it ever meant, it is the same as it ever was.